When they’re grown up enough

That is my rule of thumb when it comes to chores and tasks.

I just caught up with a comment in one of my Quora answers, concerning the difficulty of raising three or more children. I feel for her as well as all other parent who are going through similar experiences. The exhaustion, the juggling of responsibilities, the frustration.

At certain point, to cope with the stress, I had to start training myself to NOT bother too much with the clean-up. Fortunately, my eldest is now in his 20s and my other kids are mostly in their teens, old enough for them to do the chores themselves.

In this COVD era, more than anything, though, being stuck at home also caused me to handle home life differently. My kids and I communicated well and often. So now, instead of making things run my way, I spend time doing what they like. I play all sorts of computer and mobile games they’re into, and watch movies they prefer watching. It helps them to relax and open up to me about their worries around all these lifestyle changes we need to adopt to keep us safe.

Working and playing with my kids, instead of just for them, keeps me sane. I’m so fortunate I haven’t faced any teenage attitude.

Our kids are smart. And kind. They’ll help you if you let them. It’s really okay to show them that you’re tired, and ask for their help.

Scrambled egg and rice by #4

What’s the best age to teach our kids responsibility?

I would instead go by observation instead of age.

Physically, they need to be tall enough to reach the sink, and balanced enough on their fine motor skills to handle slippery dishes. Same goes for cooking. If they’re tall enough to reach the stove, and strong and careful enough to hold onto the pans and spatula, then they can cook.

Understanding hygiene and safety helps them understand why certain stuff belongs where they belong, and needs to be cleaned up periodically.

In the early years up till now, most of the time, we do chores together. I always have at least one kid helping me out, whether it be laundry, cooking, or cleaning the toilet.

After a while, I discover that they would have preference to certain parts of house chores. All my kids are drawn to cooking. Now, I cook 30% of the time. Most of my kids learn how to cook simple food like eggs, ramen, and soup, by the age of 10. They use the air fryer by age 9. Boiled water in the electric kettle for their hot drinks by 8. Only #4 is allowed to use the stove a little later, by 11 years old, because he’s still slightly shorter, and his fine motor skills still needs training.

All my kids know that dishes belong in the kitchen or dining table, and not on their computer tables or living rooms. They’re experienced enough to know what happens to stuff that don’t belong where they are. Spills to clean, things get broken… and who will be responsible for all that?

Certainly not this mum.

They finally took an MBTI test

Just for my personal record, here they are:-

1. INFJ-T
2. ISTP-T
3. ENTJ-A
4. ESFP (well, okay, this one I actually kind of assumed myself)

Number 2 initiated the test-taking just a while ago today, by asking me to take a 16 Personalities questionnaire on his mobile phone. Unsurprisingly, my result was INTJ, just like the many other MBTI tests I’ve taken before.

It got all of us to discuss about how much of the personality resonated with them in real life.

Very often, I’m grateful that they are still very open to talking about their day-to-day activities with me. Our casual conversations, even on things that are seemingly random, brings to light their (in)securities and concerns.

That is why I love that they’re into these personality tests. It shows that they are at least curious about being validated and discovering themselves.

My question to them was, “Now that you know, what are you going to do with it?”

Opening up

The next thing I did once everyone of us found out about our personality types, was to search for “XXXX teenager”.

That was fun. I read out their descriptions, and my kids and I went back and forth about how this is true or that is what I see in you. I also made it a point that even if any of the description sounded negative, they’re not necessarily bad. They’re just to made us aware about our challenges, and it is up to us to find ways to address them.

I never expect my kids to be perfect. I just want them to be better than themselves before.

Observing #1

My #1 has always been very contemplative. He didn’t remember this, he said, but there was one incident at a private clinic we both went to when he was about 9 years old. The doctor checked him and was asking him a few of questions about where he was hurting, how long did he felt discomfort, and so on. After she was done asking, the doctor looked at me and said, “What an intelligent young boy. I can almost hear his brain working as he pauses to figure out the answers. Has he always been this thoughtful?” He had, and still is.

Observing #2

One of the obvious signs that #2 indeed is ISTP is honesty. Of course #2 didn’t remember this, but I told him about that one morning when he was around 8 years old. I was barely awake, when I felt him sitting beside my bed, stroking my hair.

Then these words came out of his mouth: “Mum, why is your hair so ugly?”

What the.

About a minute or so, I turned to face him, still barely awake and in bed, and as I slowly opened my eyes to look at him, he asked, “Mum, why do you look so old?”

All I could reply was, “Whatcha talking about, boi?”

Thank you, son.

To be honest, outwardly I looked annoyed. But inwardly I was cracking up. In a way, I was proud. I raised my kid well, I thought.

Observing #3

I have seen, for the longest time, how much #3 resembled much of my behaviours. I noted the following about him in one of my posts:

"Headstrong, stubborn, opinionated, yet externalizing all his thoughts and sparing no one of his bluntness."

So, him being an ENTJ didn’t come as a surprise to me at all. The only thing I really advised him from time to time is: Be kinder.

---

At their age, my task is to help them discover their true potentials, no matter what type of personalities are. I don’t want to be the kind of parent who pushes her child to swim, when what he’s meant to do was fly.

I love their personalities. My only expectation of them is that they uncover their passion, and improve on what they’re lacking.

Follow your bliss, my children ❣️

Homefront good, outside not so much

My family is back together. My eldest completed his diploma, and is finally home.

We now do everything in the living room together, except pooping and cooking.

My boys are mostly grown-ups now. Not quite of legal age, but old enough for us to have more mature conversations. Dream homes, online learning challenges, world news, gaming, IoT and automation, budgeting, finding income, and other random stuff.

They cook for themselves, and help cook for each other, while I handle the groceries and make sure that our pantry is enough so no one starves. Son number 2 cooks rice to perfection, every single time. Only my youngest isn’t allowed to handle the stove since he’s not tall enough. He has access to the air fryer, though, and he’s happy enough with it — good enough for him to make his own hot dogs, nuggets, and toasts.

My only disgruntlement is that my Google Photos is getting constantly filled with… this.

Boi please.

So much, it’s not even funny.

Nevertheless, we’re content.

Home life is good. But the outside life is making us depressed.

It’s been about 20 months since my state was hit by the first case of COVID-19. It was the catalyst to the constant on and off movement control order (MCO) throughout the nation, in varying degrees.

We were doing fine, until our state elections happened at the end of September 2020. Things have just gotten worse. COVID-19 infections have not slowed down.

Sabah hits our highest daily cases yesterday at over 3,000 infections, up from the previous 1 or 2 cases back in early September 2020. What a difference.

If only those politicians from the peninsular didn’t come and make the situation worse.

So I’m not entirely happy. Apparently, my kids aren’t too, not with the way things are outside. Not a week passes where we would talk about what we wish we could do or will do once it’s safe to go out, as close as to the way it was pre-COVID. Son number 3 tells us how much he wants to go on more family trips, and reminisces of those we did at Legoland and to resorts and beaches. He reminds me how much he wants those times back, without fail.

We’re spending time together at home, but we wish we could spend time together elsewhere, too.

Sigh.

Silver linings and bright sides, they say. And I can’t disagree. My family and I are safe, is what matters for now.

I hope you and your family are, too. Stay safe.

Here’s to a better New Year

It’s almost the end of New Year’s Day on my side of the world. I did a blog post on WebGrrrl.net today about the importance of creating positive vibes during New Year’s Day, if you want to take a read. As for family life and the kids, all is fairly quiet.

Which is a good sign, in my opinion.

This is me just hopping in to say Happy New Year 2021 to all the readers here and I hope your year will be better than what you intended.

Hello. it’s been 4 years lol

Are you keeping yourself safe from COVID-19?

Celebrating number 3’s birthday this year.

Nope, no major update from our household. At the very least, everyone’s gratefully healthy.

Ain’t COVID-19 a cow dung? My number 1 is suppose to finish college and graduate with a diploma at the end of this year. However, because of COVID-19, he’s stuck and away from home until mid next year 😦

Number 2 is still as laid-back as ever, number 3 is now a YouTuber doing original parody-style animations, and number 4 is a selfie-holic.

I think he has aspirations of making it as a YouTuber like Number 3, but more focused on reaction videos. Which — BIBLE! — he has started doing! His smart phone keeps getting full due to all his voiceover reactions to the videos he watches. In any case, I’ll stop elaborating. It’s… too much for anyone to comprehend. Number 3 specifically is very annoyed.

I’m just LOLing to myself.

Down Syndrome life is typical life

When Edry was born, my life changed profoundly. Having a child with Down syndrome was suppose to mean that my life will be overwhelmed with me having to learn about raising a special child like him.

Yeah, he’s special, alright. So special, that I don’t even blog about him, or Down syndrome, for that matter.

How bizarre is that?

The reason why our lives are so special now is because it feels so… normal. Every single day is specially normal. Who could have thought that having a special child meant that life was going to be a simple mundane routine of going to school/work, going home from school/work, eat, play rest, clean up, sleep, repeat? Almost every weekend, we’ll eat out, or hang out in the park, at the swimming pool, at the movies, at the beach, joyriding, play more online games, watch YouTube together, et cetera.

Typical family stuff.

Ain’t that a blessing?

Birthdays and celebrations come and go. Those usual sibling squabbles abound:-

Eric: “Mom, Joel didn’t wash his school shoes himself. He’s not playing my Xbox.”

Joel: “Mommy, Ezra called me stupid!”

Ezra: “Mommy, Joel’s watching PewDiePie again!”

Edry: “(sings) One little finger… No!” (as one of his brothers keeps sneaking over for some of his french fries.

Much drama, my kids.

Oh well. Such is life.

It’s mundanely awesome. Thank God.

Look who’s finally following in his mom’s footsteps

Fine. The honest truth to my eldest son jumping into programming is that he wanted to make money via his passion in ICT. Thing is, he has been more of an observer (IMHO), in that he plays computer games, uses social media, and watch YouTube videos. That was the extent of his interest.

Last year, I started running a series of CoderDojo programme in his school, which heightened his interest in Raspberry Pi. I made him my unofficial assistant, so at this point in time, he knows what peripherals and devices he needs to setup or even troubleshoot a Pi.

Lately, he has been asking me about stepping up his game so he can earn some money. So I briefly explained to him that he’s going to need to do something that can sustain his interest long enough for him to learn substantially enough so that he can be qualified to be paid. Making money as a prime motivation for doing something will only make you ping-pong from one effort to another, which is going to waste his time and effort if he finds that whatever he was doing at the moment is too difficult or not up to his expectation or interest. On the other hand, if he focused first on skills that he’s already into, he’ll at least find some personal satisfaction in being better at something that he loves.

I suggested that he learns to program games in Python. So that’s what he’s doing now. So cool.

I’m glad that the official Raspberry Pi website has some cool references and tutorials that young people such as Eric can use. He’s currently going through MagPi’s Make Games With Python by himself. Like any other new and veteran programmers, debugging is his biggest challenge; not because of the coding, but the need for focus and patience.

All the best, Eric! Finish it! You can do it!

What is it like to find out your child has Down syndrome?

What is it like to find out your child has Down syndrome?

Read Quote of Lorna Timbah’s answer to Down Syndrome: What is it like to find out your child has Down syndrome? on Quora

What is it like to parent a child who has Downs Syndrome?

Read Quote of Lorna Timbah’s answer to What is it like to parent a child who has Downs Syndrome? on Quora

A blogger in the works

Or at least that’s what I hope Eric can end up doing. You see, he’s been bugging me lately with all his request to buy him stuff, take him to some fancy restaurants, or bring him on a vacation somewhere far away. I’m not sure what has gotten into him lately.

I have explained to him the concept of budgeting, and why it’s important to financially plan for anything you set your eyes on, which led me to explain why so and so is justified or unjustifiable for me to spend on. Especially if the spending is on a whim. So his next question was, “How do you make more money so you can spend more?”

“Why not blog, like I do? You’ve seen how I did it, haven’t you?” He nodded.

“But I don’t know what I should blog about. I have no idea.”

I answered, “Well, you like to watch those anime cartoons, don’t you? Why not blog about that? Or blog about what you’ve been doing today that was fun or interesting or sad. Just… anything.”

That was almost two months ago. I’ve been waiting on him to update this blog while at the same time practicing his English and composition skills.

Number of posts so far? One.